do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
