I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
