It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My vagina just clenched in fear
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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