Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
