Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
