Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
