If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
