saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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