So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
