WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
