remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just found puke in my bra..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
