thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
