I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
