I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
