I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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