I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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