Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
