Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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