census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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