What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
