I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
