Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
