i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How does one acquire holy water?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
