She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
