dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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