Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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