My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
