How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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