Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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