Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
