I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
