I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
