my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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