How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I AM VODKA MAN
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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