At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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