my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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