Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
