dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
