Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
