He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Everclear isn't food dammit
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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