Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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