I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
