do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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