I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
