dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
