you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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