Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
