We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
