god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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