you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
