you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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