i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
