What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
