I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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